"Day by day in every way, I'm growing better and better."

These are some of the posts I gleaned from the website http://textsfromlastnight.com/:

This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.


hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class


Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.


It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.


there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now


she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK


me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.


woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.


but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.


You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark


(310):
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
(818):
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ



she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"


What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to


He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.


So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem


It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

House....haunted...HALP!




















































YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!!!

It's like a different version of Nietzsche's transvaluation of values.

by Willie Nelson

“Animatus” by Hyungkoo Lee

dream captcha

 

Mango?









This kid is made of win and awesome. 










This took me a second--more than a second.



























































This is barbaric!  Still want to om nom nom. 



















Get your stinking paws off of me you damn dirty gentleman!